Why it’s so hard to make mom friends

Making new friends as an adult is already tricky. We’re not in school anymore, where there are a lot of opportunities to meet new friends. As new moms, we’re navigating a whole new identity while feeling exhausted and vulnerable. It’s a strange time to put yourself out there, but finding mom friends can be life-changing.

A mother breastfeeding her baby on the couch at home. — Breastfeeding solo at home.

My first awkward mom friend encounter

I remember being pregnant and walking my dog at the park with my mom. We met a couple with the same kind of dog, and the woman was pregnant too. We started chatting: When are you due? Where are you giving birth? Oh, you have gestational diabetes too? It was a nice conversation, and before we parted ways, my mom said, “GET HER NUMBER!” I looked at her wide-eyed and cringed. MOOOOMMM! But we exchanged numbers. Awkward, yes, but done. Maybe my first mom friend?

A month after my son was born, I craved adult interaction, so I texted her. We met up for coffee, and I’ll admit—it was awkward. We had similar birth stories, but our parenting styles were a little different. She had chosen to bottle-feed which I don’t judge at all, and I was breastfeeding (with great difficulty), but I remember feeling self-conscious about breastfeeding when she wasn’t, as if we needed to be exactly the same to be friends. Not true. We met a few more times, and then one day, she suggested, “Hey, do you want to grab a beer next time?”

I said YES. We met for a Friday afternoon beer to celebrate surviving the week. Something clicked. Maybe it was the casual setting, maybe it was meeting for the fifth time, maybe it was the beer—but that day, our friendship solidified. And thus, Mama Happy Hour was born.

We decided every Friday at 3 PM, we’d meet at a park in San Francisco. We opened it up to any new mom we met. I invited one from a baby class, another from my doula’s mama meet-up, and one from the dog park. Soon, we had a group of about 12 moms who met weekly for two years! Some became close friends, some were just friendly acquaintances, some drank vino some drank water but it was so needed. Mom, you were right! Thank you!

How to put yourself out there

So how do you make this happen for yourself?

Get awkward and exchange numbers. It’s weird but do it anyway. (I made a template for Mama business cards below! 🤓)
Meet for coffee. If it’s terrible, move on. If it’s just a little awkward, try again.
If you need a beer, grab one together. (Or tea, or whatever works for you.)
Keep showing up. Friendships take time to form.

Where to meet mom friends in the Flathead Valley.

It’s a little harder in colder climates, but there are still great places to connect:

Breastfeeding Baby Bistros – Meet other new moms navigating feeding struggles and triumphs. Mondays in Whitefish, Fridays in Kalispell.
Postpartum Resource Group’s Peer Support Groups – A great way to connect with moms going through it. I host the monthly Whitefish Group, The Circle WF but there are circles in Kalispell and Columbia Falls too.
Books with Babies WF Library – An easy way to meet moms with similar-aged babies. Wednesday mornings.
Flathead County Library Baby Story Time – Wednesdays in Kalispell, Fridays in Columbia Falls, and Tuesdays in Bigfork.
Whitefish Together at WF Community Center - Very casual drop-in, hang with caregivers, moms, and their littles. Tuesday mornings.
Rio Dance Studio Baby Dance Club - Move and bond with babies and caregivers. Front carriers are recommended. Fridays.
Love Yoga WF - BirthFit: Pre-Postnatal Strength and Fitness, babies are welcome! Thursdays.
Nature Baby Outfitter Events: - Check their calendar for all events but they have a monthly Parent Happy Hour my friend Jalysa started after hearing my story! Go Jalysa, one of my newer Mom friends!
Milestone Markers Playgroup - A great way to meet other parents and kids and get some developmental support. Hosted monthly by Heidi Fletcher The Intentional OT, at Physio Whitefish.
The Wave - Aquatots Class.
North Valley Music School - Music Together Early Childhood Music Class.
Local Facebook Mom Groups – A great way to find moms near you. Some of the local groups are called: Hiking with Tots, Whitefish Area Moms Group, Kalispell Moms, Mom’s Mingle in the Flathead Valley.
Start a book club or even your own mom meet-up!
Farmer’s markets in the summer.
Coffee shops are a great place to meet up without having to host anyone. I love Wild Coffee and Folklore in WF, Colter Coffee and Ceres Bakery in Kalispell, and Uptown Hearth in Columbia Falls.
Other baby-friendly spots: Bonsai Brewery, Blackstar, Buffalo Cafe, and Bias Brewing.

Get a mom business card 🤓 (Yes, really!)

Make a mom business card on Canva to hand out to moms you meet in the wild. — How cute is this one?!

If putting yourself out there feels intimidating, consider making a simple “mom friend business card” with your name and number. I made a couple of mom business card versions on Canva (the free version) that you can edit and print directly from Canva for yourself!

Or here’s a video on how to share your iPhone contact card if you’re not into paper business cards. Technology for the win!

It takes the pressure off and makes it easier to connect in the moment.

You weren’t meant to do this alone

Motherhood wasn’t meant to be done in isolation. If you’re feeling lonely, know that so many other moms are in the same boat, just waiting for someone to make the first move. Put yourself out there, get a little awkward, and build your village—one mom friend at a time.